Saturday, August 27, 2011

harder than easy

I hate that you call me babe. I hate that you tell me how beautiful I look. I hate that you grab my hand and pull me in tight and don't let go. I hate how normal things are between us. I hate that you are with her. I hate that I still want you so badly. I hate that I let myself get like this. I hate that I can't get over you. But most of all, I hate that I love you.

time for change

Summer's over, which can only mean one thing: RECRUITMENT

With school starting, DG is back in session and I couldn't be more excited! So much work has been put in to recruitment over the summer and I can't wait to see our hard work pay off! I thought I'd give my top reasons why I love DG so much :)

7. I always look for the DG house on other campuses when I am traveling. It’s really fun to see how different other chapters are and meet the girls I call my national sisters and share the amazing bond of sisterhood with them.

6. I get to continue my family’s legacy. My mom, a few of her sisters, and my grandma were all DG’s in the Beta Gamma chapter at the U!

5. Whether we’re at a date night, formal, sisterhood, or even just hanging out, we always have the best time. It’s so fun to be able to spend time with my sisters and get to know them better!

4. It has given me so many opportunities to grow and develop. I have matured so much more through DG and found where I truly belong and who I want to be.

3. I’ve met a new group of absolutely amazing girls, which is saying a lot cause I don’t generally get along with girls too well. My best friends are in DG and I can’t imagine what it would be like if I didn’t have them in my life.

2. We share an unbreakable bond that is like nothing else. Literally, from the second my pledge sisters and I met, we loved each other unconditionally and grew unbelievably close. They are my best friends and I love them more than life.

1. It’s given me a place to go when I need to escape from all the things going on in my life. The girls are all so understanding and loyal and they have seen me through a lot of tough times. They’ve made me feel very welcome and their arms are always open if I need a hug or someone to talk to.

It sounds so cliche, but I honestly don't know what I would do without DG. Rushing DG was the best decision I've ever made and not once have I regretted it. I would never trade my experiences in DG for anything in the world. ΔΓ ♥ ⚓

Sunday, August 7, 2011

sitting, waiting, wishing

Things are going back to normal. But not the normal I want. The normal before everything happened when we were best friends. I mean, I guess thats a good step in the right direction. At least things aren't awkward anymore. Not with him at least. I still hate seeing them together. That's the only time it really hurts now.

I wish we could at least talk about things and be on the same page but he still won't. It seems like anytime I bring up the idea, he avoids the situation. There are just things I would like to have answers to.. I think that is what will be the best thing for me to help me move on.

Why did you have to lie to me? Why couldn't you just come to me and be up front about everything? I'd rather have you say something that could possibly hurt at the time than try to cover it up and make me think things are different than they are for temporary happiness. Cause clearly that left me more hurt. Why would you go back to her after everything she's done? You know she's just gonna do it again. And do you guys really have to be so damn insensitive? The least you could do is not be all lovey-dovey in front of me. It's like she's just dangling you in front of me because she knows how badly I want you and can't have you. When it comes down to it, I don't really care that you're with her. I don't even really care that you chose her. What hurts me is that you felt the need to lie about it all along. Your lies caused my feelings to grow stronger and stronger and then out of nowhere, they're expected to be gone? I never expected to like you this much, nor would I have let myself if I had known what was really going on. You know I don't open up to people. I've been hurt before this same way so I keep a guard up to protect myself. I trusted you. I let my guard down and what do you know? Of course I ended up hurt. Why wouldn't I? Why would anything ever turn out good for me? I'm used to being hurt so I guess it's time to put the guard back up and it's not coming down for anyone anytime soon either.

I guess for now I'll just sit back and see what happens. I really hope things can all go back to how they used to be. I'm sick of the awkward tension. I just want my best friend back...